Thursday, December 8, 2011

fleeting moments of sanity

I am pretty terrible about keeping this up to date, I admit. However, I also want to say that I think it takes a certain amount of bravery (or indiscretion, but I hardly suffer from an overabundance of that) to put thoughts out for the imaginary people that may or not read them. In that regard I am much in line with the cowardly lion. So here's a fresh attempt at bravery. Courage!

I have been struggling lately again with self-worth and how I'm ever going to make it in this world. Some days I just don't know what to do, and the call of despair is enticing. Today I had another of those moments when I realize that I've stopped paying attention to the little things going on around me. I preach and talk about it, yet I often forget (which is one reason I keep preaching and talking about it- I need to hear it, too!). So I remembered again. Now that the snow is not immediately threatening my health and sanity (it hasn't snowed in several days so the roads are mostly dry), I can appreciate the admittedly fascinating aspects of winter, such as icicles and how pretty the snow can be (when it's safely on unpaved areas). While it was pretty dang cold outside today, the sun did come out nicely and the sky was clear and blue.

I can get caught up in worrying about the things I've never done before, or all the things that still have to be done, or all the ways I simply feel inadequate as a human being. I am naturally disposed, to a certain extent, to take life and the world very seriously, which can sometimes lead to a rather cynical outlook on life. If not tempered, this can get draining. I try to maintain my ironic sense of humor, at least, which helps, but even so I need to remember to take things in smaller doses. The world, unfortunately, is never going to be the way I wish it would, and people are different and do stupid things, and so do I. There seems to be an interesting balance in keeping the self sane yet involved, and one that is easily tipped.

So here's to slowing down and paying attention more often. It's the little things, the easily overlooked things, the lowly and humble things that save the world.

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