Friday, December 23, 2011

in the snow globe with the light

It's a snow globe morning. It wasn't supposed to snow today, (or Wednesday, for that matter) but it is. I don't have to drive anywhere today, though, so I am not too concerned. I'm sitting in the coffee shop in a nice squishy chair near a warm fire with a mocha, watching the snow swirl out the large windows. There is something mesmerizing about watching the snow fall, floating and swirling and drifting. The view I have now, with some trees and the house across the street, makes me think this must be what it's like to live in a snow globe.

I'm reading over my sermon, getting ready for Christmas worship, and enjoying a calm morning where things seem okay. It isn't supposed to be a white Christmas, but I've never had one before so that's okay. My sermon is about light, the light of the world that has overcome darkness. I kind of like it. I often like to wander in darkness for a while, ending up there before I realize it. I find it comforting to know that the darkness does not win, that the light has overcome and come to dwell with us and give us his light.

I like this quote by Anne Lamott: "Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up."

Sometimes you wonder, while in the darkness, if the dawn really exists anymore. I've heard it's always darkest before the dawn. Maybe that's partly true just because of the contrast the dawn brings. Either way, the light that created light took on our darkness and took away its power, and the light and life it has given cannot be taken away.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

fleeting moments of sanity

I am pretty terrible about keeping this up to date, I admit. However, I also want to say that I think it takes a certain amount of bravery (or indiscretion, but I hardly suffer from an overabundance of that) to put thoughts out for the imaginary people that may or not read them. In that regard I am much in line with the cowardly lion. So here's a fresh attempt at bravery. Courage!

I have been struggling lately again with self-worth and how I'm ever going to make it in this world. Some days I just don't know what to do, and the call of despair is enticing. Today I had another of those moments when I realize that I've stopped paying attention to the little things going on around me. I preach and talk about it, yet I often forget (which is one reason I keep preaching and talking about it- I need to hear it, too!). So I remembered again. Now that the snow is not immediately threatening my health and sanity (it hasn't snowed in several days so the roads are mostly dry), I can appreciate the admittedly fascinating aspects of winter, such as icicles and how pretty the snow can be (when it's safely on unpaved areas). While it was pretty dang cold outside today, the sun did come out nicely and the sky was clear and blue.

I can get caught up in worrying about the things I've never done before, or all the things that still have to be done, or all the ways I simply feel inadequate as a human being. I am naturally disposed, to a certain extent, to take life and the world very seriously, which can sometimes lead to a rather cynical outlook on life. If not tempered, this can get draining. I try to maintain my ironic sense of humor, at least, which helps, but even so I need to remember to take things in smaller doses. The world, unfortunately, is never going to be the way I wish it would, and people are different and do stupid things, and so do I. There seems to be an interesting balance in keeping the self sane yet involved, and one that is easily tipped.

So here's to slowing down and paying attention more often. It's the little things, the easily overlooked things, the lowly and humble things that save the world.