people we meet

As I'm getting close to what is likely the end of my time in Minnesota (various details still to be worked out), and being all graduated and having classmates already beginning the post-graduation migration throughout the wild blue yonder, I'm reflecting on the people I know, the people I've met here, and people in other places.
Some people we meet and we know our interactions with them will be short lived. Some people come and go, many whose names we will never even know.
Thanks to the internet and all the ways of keeping in touch with people instantly all over the world, many people that would be part of our lives for only a short time get to remain on the peripheries, connected with us through the occasional e-mail, Facebook post, or online chat.
Then there are those people that we spend more time with, in classes or working together, connecting regularly for social occasions, etc. We share some common interests and a decent bit of time, often becoming familiar with some of each others' idiosyncrasies.
There are many layers of connections we make with people, from student-teacher relationships, peer relationships, random common interest relationships, etc. We are relational by nature, and we naturally connect with others in various ways while we are in a place. The thing about moving is how all those relationships change. They change over time anyway, but a geographic jump has a large affect. Who will I still be in regular contact with? Through which media? Will I ever see some of these people in person again? Probably not.
To me this also makes the idea of networking fascinating. We network with one another to fill various roles and needs in our lives, and while sometimes that can be manipulative, most of the time it is human relation and ingenuity at work.
The deeper bit of this that I ponder is those connections that have been deep and helpful that must change. We often meet someone who touches our life especially, maybe in a way we needed most at the time, or simply finding connections to some people that mean more to us than others. We experience this all the time, greater affinity for some people over others. These must also change over time and through distance, and I can't help but think about those old images of heaven I grew up with, when we all meet again together. Our life is never perfect now, and circumstances take us to and from people all the time, whether we want them to or not. Is this part of our promise for a hope and a future, a chance to spend time with not just family but also friends that we lose sight or touch of over the years? Can there be reunion of these treasured moments of relationship, in whatever form, when we are all redeemed and renewed? I want to think so. It seems to fall in line with God's vision for the future. I hope so.

God's ambivalence

I will tell you, a week of manual labor when one has spent the last several years mostly sitting and studying will certainly clear the head through monotony and exhaustion. That and some helpful conversations. And I could use some clarity. I just graduated, and once again I am stuck in post graduation ambiguity. Unlike many of my classmates, I do not have a clear path ahead and no immediate full time job prospects. Thus I had been feeling quite a bit of anxiety as the semester wrapped up and since graduation, with various distractions thrown in, until this past week and the start of my summer job on grounds crew, mowing, weeding, etc.
Then I also had the chance to have some conversations, one in particular on balancing independence and dependence, that helped me chill out some and recenter myself a bit. Then this morning I went to worship and the sermon was, to use words from a conversation I had yesterday, about the ambivalence of God. Not that God does not care about us, but that God does not micromanage. Sometimes we will be presented with various opportunities, and sometimes they mean we have to make a choice where there is no clear right choice. So we seek guidance, and then do the best we can with our choice, and God can and will still work with and through us regardless of which way we end up going. One thing that often frustrates me is the inability to see very far into the future and thus being unable to discern what consequences lie on the path ahead, which leads to a proper amount of trust and dependence on God and others, which is something I have long struggled with (I am far too independent much of the time).
I still can't tell where exactly I'm headed, but I'm starting to take some small steps and hopefully will continue to be reminded to pause, breathe, and listen to the still small voices that will speak if I stop getting so distracted by the storm swirling around me.

natural gas and being smart

I'm not sure that's the most appropriate title for this post, but let's go with it. You might say this is a tale with a hidden public service message (or slightly explicit one). 'Tis a harrowing tale (or could have been).
This past weekend I had been out a little later than anticipated playing games with some friends. I got back to my apartment building around midnight, and when I unlocked the front door and stepped in, I was immediately struck by the strong odor of natural gas. We have gas stoves in our apartments, but I knew there was no gas line running through the front stairwell anywhere, and it was much stronger than a hint of gas where maybe someone had just started cooking. There was a brief moment of wondering what on earth I should do since it was midnight and I was fairly certain everyone else in the building was already asleep. I was also trying to remember all the things I'd ever learned about natural gas, like if it was lighter or heavier than air (thus would it rise or fall) and if it had any other side effects besides being explosive (none too insignificant a property, either). I determined if nothing else I should open the front windows to let some of the gas out, and I should not flip any light switches.
The next thing I did is never recommended, and had there been no one else in the building I might not have done it, but after letting some of the gas out of the stairwell I went searching for a source to what must be a leak. I moved very cautiously and did not flip any light switches and tried to avoid anything that might cause a spark (I do not know what the concentration needs to be before it ignites, but I can only imagine we were getting near that). There was too much of the smell in a large portion of the building, however, so after finding someone else awake in the building and asking if they smelled gas, too (looking back that seems rather silly, but I was beginning to second guess myself; after a while the smell almost seems to follow a person and goes to the head). They said they had noticed that, so I determined I needed to call someone. This all took probably much more time than it should have, but I had opened a few more windows in the building by now, so at least the concentration of gas in the building was going down. I called our campus watch number, they came and checked it out, and then used their calling procedure to call those who could appropriately respond to the situation. After several phone calls (by this time everyone we called was asleep), opening more windows and doors to create more ventilation, and determining that none of the gas lines in public places were leaking, and waiting, the head of facilities came over and woke all the residents to check each apartment for leaks (and I imagine at this time to make sure we were all still alive). The leak was found in one of the apartments, that resident was instructed to leave all the windows of the apartment open and the facilities head turned off the gas line in that apt and would call the plumber in the morning to fix it.
As all of these adventures concluded, and I crawled into bed at 3am, I reflected on the whole thing and realized just how dangerous that could have been. Had I already been home, already asleep as well, or had come home an hour or two earlier (the resident in the apt with the leak had noticed a smell around 9 or 10 but didn't know what it was), there would have been gas leaking all night and we likely would have either asphyxiated or exploded. Rather sobering thought, really.
So I conclude with the admonition: if you have any appliance or anything that uses natural gas in your home, be familiar with the smell (it is an added smell because natural gas is odorless by nature) (and this can be done, especially if you have a gas stove, by paying attention to the smell that comes out when you first turn on and ignite a burner) and take it seriously when it seems strong or otherwise more than you smell on a regular basis. It's great to cook with (and otherwise a useful fuel), but like most things, requires attention and responsibility.

reflections on this end

It's funny how quickly we get to the end of something when, at the beginning, it seemed like it would take forever. That's a bit how I feel these four years of seminary have gone. Four years sounded like forever four years ago. And now they're over and I don't really believe it. A lot has happened, and I am not the person I was when I started. I have learned a lot and done a lot. And yet I still feel there is so much more to learn.
I turned in the last of my assignments, and now I am just waiting until graduation. (I have stuff to keep me occupied, no worries) It's weird to not have homework anymore, even as it was weird to start having homework again. My habits are going to have to change again, and I never enjoy that.
And now I walk around campus and start thinking about some of these things being the last time I will do them, the last time I will see something from this perspective. Everything changes, so we walk around and soak it up while we can. (well, this year the weather's been rather reluctant to change from winter to spring, but most everything else is moving full steam ahead)
However, I think my brain may still be a bit mushy from all the thinking I've been doing lately, so I think this post is even more mundane and pointless than I originally imagined. Sorry y'all. Give me a topic and I'll try to do better next time.

why the fascination?

After the bombing at the Boston Marathon, and after any tragedy that involves a human perpetrator, the days after the event are filled with news stories about the accused; the person's life, hobbies, mental health status, goals, and plans. Contrast this to the number of national news stories of some 'natural' or 'accidental' tragedy such as the fertilizer plant explosion in West, Texas. There will be a story or two when they figure out what happened, but nothing to the extent of the psycho-thriller of analyzing the criminal mind. What are we so fascinated with in these cases? Is it that we want to reassure ourselves that we are different from someone who could do something so atrocious? Do we want to justify ourselves? Or are we afraid we might be just as bad? Is it a chance to entertain ideas that we otherwise would not permit? To hear about it from someone else keeps us safe from ourselves?
Perhaps it is any number of combinations of the above. Maybe something else. Maybe because we can learn from that, and the evil represented or enacted by a person seems more manageable than the tragedy perpetrated by nature or neglect of property. The accidents of life are beyond us, and maybe we don't want to dwell so much in them. I don't know for sure, and I suspect there are many varied and complicated reasons behind this. It still bothers me, though, and I feel that something is amiss around it all. Is this the best way to respond to these things? Of course the investigators must do in depth exploration both of the human perpetrators and the natural disasters, but do all of us need all of these details? Then again, maybe it is not so different from the common fascination with celebrities. For many reasons we seek to learn more about the lives of others in ways that I think can be quite invasive but that we perpetuate nonetheless. Humanity is a fascinating collection of creatures, and I think we are as often mysteries to ourselves as we are anything else.

walking

The darkness is coming
Or is it the future? This forward motion that keeps me turning, twisting, blinking, breathing
hurtling into the unknown.
What is this thing we have stepped into?
Life, sun, flowers, cool breezes; the serenity of peace and comfort of care
snow, shadows, bitter cold, threatening to divorce me from my very soul.
And who are we? Tiny creatures that think we are large
and large creatures that think we are small.
The snow reflects the sun and holds its own light.
The cool breeze becomes a tornado.
I walk along the sidewalk and take these things in, following where it may lead.
Beware the poisonous berries.

what am I talking about?

So, I warn you. I've been thinking about too many things lately to make thinking about any one thing extremely coherent or sound good, but I'm not really interested in starting fights so if I make you mad, go tell someone else. I make me mad, too, and do the same thing, so I only expect the same from you. (equality, see?)
I read an article from a random author (random to me, at least) about seminary education in the US now. Some of it was some valid points, much of it sounded like words of an outsider who doesn't necessarily know what's actually going on on the inside. It also brought up questions to me of the postmodern entitlement culture. Where is the line between our developing conscience as humans (with or without religious or moral compass in the form of God or organized religion) and a selective moral conscience that is actually self-motivated but disguised as something larger.
I feel like I live in the middle of two worlds, eras, and social frameworks (well, at least two). To some level, responsibility seems to have gone out the window as something more than just an arbitrary when I feel like it deal. We want to eat responsibly and live responsibly and be sustainable- when it's convenient and makes me feel good. We want to refuse to eat food that isn't organic and responsibly handled, but do we have a right to then turn away food all the time when we just don't like it, even though people have worked hard to feed us? Back to the seminary metaphor, when one lives on a campus in student housing, eats in the cafeteria, and claims to be called to serve God and the greater community of faith and the world, perhaps we should consider checking some of our entitlement at the door. I by no means advocate for unclean, unhealthy, and abusive or inhumane living situations for anyone. But everything does not have to be new and sparkly. I am all in favor of speaking out for true injustices, true bad stewardship practices, and ways of living that are irresponsible. But is it not also irresponsible to throw away something just because it's a few years old? Is it not also irresponsible to not eat something just because it wasn't prepared exactly the way you wanted? If you don't mind starving, then I have no complaint with you. And maybe this comes out a little starker and harsher than I mean. But really. Can we think about how our actions actually line up with our values? How often do you go buy new clothes? How much alcohol do you consume at your leisure? Are those practices also in line with your food and housing values? Does your life make sense beyond a first world middle or upper class lifestyle? How can we actually think more about these things? I know it's complicated, but I think it's worth the consideration.